You're not allowed in

I have so many things to say, but I'm ashamed of how the words sound in my mouth. Of how bitter they taste, and of how sad they make me feel once spoken.
I'm ashamed of my own humiliation. I'm too embarrassed to say the words that are in my heart.
I wonder why I do the things I do, why do I put myself in situations that are potentially draining and destructive. Why do I hurt myself so badly? Why do I insist in seeing a person who has tried through all manners to avoid me?
I'm starting to believe that I'm not normal. There must be something wrong with my mind. I wish someone could stop me from going there... I wish someone cared. :(