What you did to me, in all times and senses is unforgivable.
Your actions are senseless and worse of all….they’re deprived of honor. Your acts reveal a very troubled mind, soul, and an empty heart! You resemble to someone who deserves pity for the emptiness of your own being, and hate for the evil effects that you can attract over others around you.
You’re selfish, so selfish that in all this time of relationship you could never see beyond your own mirror, and nothing but your own image. I was never part of your concerns, but you know what? I dont bother anymore, because knowing you I came to realize that no one really IS part of your worries but yourself.
You played with my heart, laughed at my emotions, and kept leading me on when you never really wanted anything serious with me at all.
You’re a terrible person, someone with no decency and still I wanted…I insisted to see your best… What best? I keep wondering…!
Always treating me like trash, always ready to throw me to the tigers, always willing and even wishing for a heavenly sign to dump me again. You have never treated me with respect, or consideration, because you don;t know what these things are!
You don’t know what love is, you don’t love anyone and you certainly don’t accept to be loved.
I should hate you right now, but the sense of betrayal fills my heart with nothing but indifference towards you. You tried so hard, didn't you? You tried and got to torture any remnant of love that could still be in me. Well, congratulations! I can’t say you’re not a winner! You got what you wanted!
You made me stand for “us” in front of my family and friends, defending your “loving and mature character” and intentions. Saying they were wrong about you. LoL. You let me plan things and even planned with me, projecting stupid LIES for the future, in which you never believed, and even though, knowing all was false, you “forgot” - providentially - to tell me that everything was just a fantasy, that you were just playing around and now …. I’m here… crying bitter tears, missing a future where we…. No! There’s no We anymore…!
And I stayed again to listen to lots of “ I told you so”, standing like a fool, repeating over and over “ I should have known”, because I had to have known that no one should trust the untrustworthy with their hearts, their intimacies, their plans. “We don’t confide in, rely on or seek support from those who will only exploit, break trust, betray us.” If ONLY this was the first time, I’d be excused, but why am I so dumb? Why couldn't I see through you? Why did I trust so much in a person who repeatedly disappointed me? You can say I was obsessed, or whatever… But again… You don’t know what love is. Your opinion worths nothing.
But Yes, I should have known better…!
You feed on weakness!
Whenever I’d feel more confident and strong, you’d give me the words I wanted to hear, you’d sweeten my heart up, to make me more susceptible, more caring, more vulnerable and opened… then you’d reject me, with lots of “doubts and fears”, causing insecurity and sadness, and psychological break down that would lead to constant fear of loosing you again. Like if, by these means, you wanted to make me share the countless fears that fill your mind all the time… It’s a very known tactic of manipulation, and not necessarily conscientious.
You say that I have a co-dependency issue, but it’s very obvious that you were the one stimulating such behavior, with your stablished inconstant moods! Deep inside, I believe you took pleasure of seeing me feeling insecure and afraid and more dependent on your attention and “”””love”””””.
You always liked having the control, and whenever you felt you didn't have it, you’d become the most sweet person on Earth, till you had it back, just to lead me to hell again. And, sorry to tell you, women have the NEED of feeling loved and secure. After all Your little frisbee game didn't quite work for you, did it? I became more scared, more insecure, more jealous… and you did loose control. But more then that… you lost something much bigger and important… You just don't know it yet.
The thing is You have no referencial of love in your life,your broken family and needy father were never a good example to follow, what gives you no clue of what a successful loving relationship is, sadly. Your whole life is surrounded by waivers and good byes and “just because” relationships. And I’m sorry you grew up to fear and reject emotions, relationships, and the ability of letting someone love you.
But, that’s not an excuse for ruining every good thing that happens to you! Know that!
If your family couldn’t, for whatever reasons, teach you what love is, certainly the Creator of the very essence of the word LOVE could! I just don't think you’re interested.
Your seeking perfection, and perfect, darling, only God Himself.
I resent you for doubting my christianity and love for God, for lying to me repeatedly… for pretending love, and showing me nothing but rejection, and, for putting in doubt my capability of being a good christian wife! I resent that you could even tell me that God is gonna give you a better person - quoting- , a better relationship, in distrust that He could work on to cure the one you had. I resent you for yelling at me, and being cruel, when all I always gave you was patience and kindness.
When you love someone FOR REAL, you embrace the person with your heart and soul, their imperfections, their problems, their qualities, you find a way, you pray WITH the person, and not for a reason to keep that person away, you take good care of the person, not provoking unnecessary suffering and pain, but you… You tried to get rid of me at every step of the way… treating me like unnecessary weight to your “life hiking experience”… like If I was something you could throw away, actually, you were really willing to throw me away in the first opportunity…Till you did!
Well, I gotta tell you that I am not trash, like you wanted me to feel like! I’m a very valuable person, someone who loves God over anything and everything and is loved by Him. I depend only on God to live and overcome difficulties in this world. I don’t need you to live, and, sincerely, after witnessing how poorly and disrespectfully you can treat me, I honestly don't even want you near by anymore.
I don’t need you to be happy. And if you turned your back on me so many times, with the most variable range of “fake” reasons, I can only conclude that you, ultimately don’t deserve my unconditional love and dedication.
You’re a nobody to me now, and if you did nothing before to win my love, I can assure you now that you DID everything you possibly could to win my contempt.
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